////a.bad.practice
----------------------notes on grass transcribed
i have no desire to try
i want to curl up and die
in a field with some long
grass that tickles the earth
that humans don’t acknowledge
is this even drawing
how do i get more sleep
how do i get off speed
i am awake
i am awake
people upset me but
more so i upset myself
how do i not write so sensibly
what am i doing
that is so important?
grass
grass
grass
grass
i want grass
touch sculpture
and touch
and reading
collective
collective
how do i rework something
how can I get by without
failing
perhaps this is necessary
do people love and trust me
how do i take
care of myself
what is happening
how do i know anything
is this soothing to read
am i an idiot
where will i go?
what will i do?
why am i being
so cheaply apathetic
can you hear my insides screaming?
i just want to be alone
my insides are drowning
in fear and say doubt
maybe the world will get better
what way could you love me?
are we going to all end?
maybe someone will
why am i so cautious and absent?
i am aware
everything i know
i have taken for granted
how do i get out
where or when
anything meaningful
i compete
with good talented drawers
should I write about art words
over
over
over
over
over
again
i hate looking at sheets
and trying to draw them
what can i draw from my head
maybe i will fail now
can people love an evil
habit
habit
pencil
where did my red pen
go maybe
drink
drink
habit
how do i rework
a drawing how do i
draw
how do i add copper
am i in love
my anxiety is
killing me no one
understands i only want
to be alone
i can never be unborn
after that night
how do i make
more friends
learn to fly
learn to fail
grass grass
grass
grass
space
grass
space
grass
space
grass
grass grass
what kind of grass
grass grass
coffee
grass
rework a drawing
and talk to joe
help grass
love grass
grass
grass
grass
why don’t people
love me
empty
empty
empty parts
speed do i need
i should stop taking speed
i should stop taking speed
how much
stoneware
i am experiencing
much anxiety
i have too much
maybe i should stop drinking
coffee
i am getting
gender
stop having kids
i will never be rich
rich
rich
rich
rich
infidelity
prairie
prairie
prairie
prairie
prairie
copper
copper
copper
copper
pigs
cows
sheep
goats
blades of grass
copies without originals
manifesto
manifesto
manifesto
manifesto
manifesto
manifesto
manifesto
whiskey grain
don’t eat
i want to read more books
diseases
right handed
hand of God
learn to fly
misogyny internalized
retrospective
death to humans
death to humans
death to humans
melancholia
mourning
mourning
mourning
i am so embarrassed
how can i not care
about humans
about the world
avoid eating out
avoid processed foods
avoid plastics
avoid inflammatory
continue activity
consider orientation of leaves
and grass
studies on words
webs and
semiotics
the body
add something about myself
i can feel
when their egos expand
so far
they touch me
and it disgusts me it feels
more invasive than anything
plastic
plastic
plastic speciesism
i hate activists
correct do not
understand
me
me
me
me
am waiting for your
touch me don’t
touch me draw me
don’t draw
touch
touch
touch
touch
lie about it
i will never find out
i should stop taking
speed
i am uncomfortable